PRIDE & The Struggle with Internalized Homophobia
For many of us queer folk, Pride represents a time for celebration, solidarity, resistance against discrimination and violence, and personal reflection. This is what we hope for everyone.
Sadly, most of us have had to overcome incredible obstacles that prevented us from achieving self-acceptance and positive self-regard. We consider whether we should "come out" and to whom we should come out, if at all. The internal conflict that many of us face as queer people is an ongoing battle—love vs. fear. Some of us have faced and continue to face rejection, unemployment, homelessness, discrimination, harassment, violence, and abuse.
Internalized homophobia is the result of societal discrimination against homosexuals, also known as societal homophobia or heterosexism. It also stems from the difference between what a gay individual becomes and what their family and society have expected or even demanded of them (i.e., heterosexuality). Once this internalization begins, shame, guilt, low self-esteem, substance use, depression, anxiety, and even self-loathing can quickly become our baggage to carry.
Internalized homophobia manifests itself in varying ways. Examples include: 1) denial of sexual orientation or attempts to change it (i.e., maintaining intimate heterosexual relationships), 2) contempt for those at earlier stages of the coming-out process, 3) contempt for those who are more open or obvious members of the 2SLGBTQ+ community, 4) denial that homophobia, heterosexism, biphobia, or sexism are serious social problems, 5) over- or under-achieving as a bid for acceptance, 6) clowning as a way of acting out society's negative stereotypes, 7) reluctance to be around or care for children for fear of being seen as a pedophile, 8) engaging in risky behaviors such as conflicts with the law, substance abuse, or unsafe sexual practices, 9) heterophobia (reverse discrimination)—feeling superior to, putting down, or even avoiding heterosexual people, and 10) thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts, or death by suicide.
Every day, sacrifices continue to be made around the world so queer people can live openly without discrimination and enjoy equal rights, personal autonomy, and freedom of expression and association. If we want to be happy, we must choose to live with intention. We must unlearn hate, step out of fear, and lean into love. Reach out for support, celebrate with community, be an ally, donate to a cause, and be kind to yourself. There is no shame in being queer. You are you—be proud.
“Hope will never be silent.” – Harvey Milk
Aaron Sinclair RP, ICADC, CCS-AC
Registered Psychotherapist
References:
(Lima, Lo Presto, Sherman & Sobelman, 1993; Alexander, 1987; Levinson, 2000; Earle, 2000)
(Burns, 1996; Burris, 1997; Cherry, 1997)
Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Rainbow-project.org
“Pink Therapy”, Davies & Neal (1996)